Like-Minded

Obviously I haven't stuck to the new art-ing routine…and that's just fine. If I find myself surprised by the lapse in entries, it's usually because I can't believe how engaged, or unengaged, I am in the world around me. There's a new sense of Flow developing in my Life and I'm hopeful that routines will magically spring forth for me and those close to me. I just don't feel like I've been giving enough back to those whose total and open acceptance of me has been…transformative.

I shared a Revelation verbally with a few close folks; a "distillation" of certain themes in my Life:
Since my first Campmeeting, I've been…moved?…in a Fresh Direction. In March 2013, I discovered just what that really meant. As I held my godfather and felt his Transition to Somewhere Else, I found myself suddenly resolved with the Great Whatever. I was released from my Anger at God.

All of those years caring for the dying, the chronically ill, and my children, made me take the Big Stuff as Burdens, maybe even Punishments. I honestly felt I'd never be free and my shoulders are (perhaps) permanently slumped from the perceived Load. When Sam died in my hands, I suddenly saw my Timeline and realized that all of these events were Lessons. It was a tough education and now I can finally feel accomplished! I AM living the Life I'm uniquely qualified to live! Very exciting stuff…

Yet, as a result, I fell into a string of painful, emotionally-charged relationships with men. My revelation? So much of what happened had to do with THEIR response to this New Inner Thang.
Boo = Jealousy. The more intensely I cared for my father, the farther he pulled away.
*** = Exploitation. He wanted me "dirty, nasty, sleazy"rather than…pure of heart.
GMP = Fear and Fury. I was Symbolic of a lot of…whatever…he felt the need to battle.
And not one of them had anything to put BACK IN. And this is why I'm certain my current Love is a Lasting One. He does nothing but recharge me…I've watched my health, my spirit, my compassion improve daily.

I still have Stuff I ought to be dealing with; apologies will flow forth soon…I can only hope I can be forgiven for my Omissions. Avoidance rarely improves situations. I know that and I'm almost there…I'm sorry. One day at a time is the best course I think...