Flood the Rut

Dear Cyber-Self, Cyber-Universe,

It's been more than 6 weeks since my last confession... Oi! How many ways can I say, "Why has it been soooo long?" It's certainly not for lack of material. Maybe it takes seeing how things play through before I allow myself to comment; that's probably a good thing. (Hey, it ain't easy being me! lol)

The Rut

The only element that has the same timeline is my internal efforts to pull myself out of my latest Rut. It was interesting to take time to really look at what constitutes "a rut":

1) The sides and bottom, much like the literal "rut", are smooth and well-worn; slippery and diificult to get out of.

2) It is conspicously well-traveled; avoidable but... not! Argh!

3) Sometimes it just seems easier to follow; a path of least resistance.

4) Leaving one requires desire, creativity, and a damned good sense of humor i.e. you have to risk falling on your ass and looking completely stupid.

5) Sometimes it's all about Luck.

But that's what makes a Successful Removal from the Rut all the more victorious. (Knock on wood.) I made the decision about 2 months ago to increase one of my meds back to where it had been. Then, I decided to move beyond that. And I feel much much better... which brings me to:

"How Come All My Friends Got Issues?"

I overheard a woman saying this on the bus as I was on the way to see my Shrink. I always do a little "talking" in my head when I go to see her (I call it "homework" because as a kid I was always prepared to "report" like a Good Girl.) When I heard it, I knew it was something that I wish I had said... what IS with the people close to me? And how come their Issues are so CONTAGIOUS!

Which made for a great therapy session opener. My Shrink explained to me what was probably happening to me chemically. Patients who take SSRI's (antidepressants) for an extended time can run into the "Poop-Out" as she called it. The strategy: reduce dosage for a period of time and gradually increase either back to previous dosage or even slightly higher i.e. what I did anyway! (Again with the Good Girl mentality... oi!) As in my previous post, I hope those close to me who take SSRI's will keep themselves monitored; they are WORTH it! Feeling good is WORTH it! (Really smart people went to school for this; we didn't!)

"Did You Call Him Out on It?"

My daughter said these words to me over a month ago. Hy Hubby was being a Jerk and I was sitting in the livingroom with her. I was on a Rolling Boil. She asked me if I was okay and then said those magic words. I did indeed "call him out" and we talked for hours. I've been using her advice ever since. Nothing like Clarity!

I left my Shrink's office feeling the freedom of having escaped the Rut. Now the challenge of avoiding of It...

Nick's Roast Beef 10th Annnual Fishing Trip
(I think we'd all like to call it a "Wishing" trip cuz nobody caught anything!)

Boy do I love these people! I truly truly do. Granted, it's a bar crowd but I can't think of any other group who treats me as well as these folks. Maybe it's because most of them are over 50... dunno. Just about everyone is openly affectionate and, if you know me, I need a lot of that. I also need to give it. It's a win-win.

This was my 2nd excursion out in the ocean with the Gang. I didn't take any Dramamine and I didn't need it even though it was pretty choppy (hence the lack of fish.)

Highlights:

My friend, Mary Jo, wore a sundress that caught the breeze quite often. I told the owner's VFW buddies that we girls were sent a memo asking that we ALL wear dresses! lol (I was in a non-blowing skirt.)

Mary Jo's roommate, Krista, and Krista's boyfriend, Mike, were soooo despised by the end of the day that I think they actually bonded the rest of us! (Don't worry, those 2 don't read blogs.)
A short list: Krista removed her underwear once she was on the bus to leave, she wore a dress also but when the breeze didn't catch it, she made sure we had a view anyway (EW now I am BLIND!), they insisted on making out at the FRONT of the boat where the wives fish, Krista also decided that it was a good place to change into her bikini top, and in between making out on the bus, the two of them decided to either sing or whine at each other. Charming they were NOT.

Every possible joke using the word "pole" was told at LEAST once! (Nothing like a captive audience!)

I actually fished! (or "wished" as it were.)

At the end of the day, both the owner and the bartender who organizes the trip spent some time with me, thanking me for being a good hostess even though I wasn't asked (?) Apparently, I did talk to every single person (50 or so) on that trip and had a good laugh with most of them. So, I thanked THEM, and then they thanked me, and then, no, thank YOU... what a lovely way to end an adventure.

Timing is Everything

The weekend before the trip, my father was here in the Philly area on a working visit. We went to the Shore once he was done. (I hope I wasn't too much of a Rut-Slug.) We were all just sitting around when my Hubby's First Wife called. They haven't seen each other in 27 years!!!! And she just wanted to drop by....

I won't go into detail but after she left, my father had the opportunity to overhear me "call out" my Hubby for being a rude idiot. My dad also had the opportunity to hear the Hubby apologise to him AND me. Yet another shimmer of Hope... the Hubby did good.

My daughter and I will be going to Austin in about a week... it was really nice to have a "pre-visit".

A Philly "Must-Do"

If you visit or live in Philly, I highly recommended the City Sail sunset trip on the Delaware. I went with 2 of my friends (wish my dad had come since he was close by). http://www.citysail.org/

And that's why I called this blog, "Flooding the Rut"; sometimes you just gotta get out on the water. I feel very very fortunate to have had the opportunity twice near the end of this Rut. I found it very helpful to put myself in elements that while they are out of my control, it's still okay.

Sometimes Fear is just a stupid waste of Time.

Namaste, Denise