Doors and Windows

Hmmm... I normally would complain about it but this most recent Shift has been good.

The Closing Door: I had to terminate my relationship with one of my disabled clients. It was a Life Lesson in the essentials of Boundaries i.e. if you let a lot of little things slide as far as Respect goes, you can bet there will be a Shit Storm at some point. Luckily I think we pretty much avoided any long term ill will but, as much as I loved the kid, I couldn't allow myself to be disrespected. 'Leaves open some potentially scary outcomes. 'Nuf said.

The Open Window: The autistic client I was given several days after ending therapy with my other client. Pretty awesome first visit. To my and her mother's amazement, she said, "Goodbye Denise" when I shook her hand before leaving. Major considering her level of disability.

So this time I'm not really resenting yet another change though I really really want a regular schedule! Perhaps the McJob is the answer once again since my new client is minutes away from that location. I drove into Austin just for her hour. The driving is getting to be too much... I've even started to stay the night at my Dad's on Sundays after work since I open the next morning.

I have to really consider whether or not I need to address my recent driving-related (almost) Panic Attacks with a medication I discontinued a while back. I'm having more challenging times than not while driving in the last two weeks. I'm waiting until the next Dr. visit at least. I'm hoping it was just an indication/reaction to emotionally revisiting the Shit Storm of my teen years. The Rage seems to have subsided and I had some major bodywork, too. (Nothing like someone ripping through fascia to release the Beast lol!)

When Boo and I talked about possible PD triggers, my best guess was that a conversation in the McJob break room started it. Some older folks were talking about the '70s and I said, "Oh yeah. What a great time... Free Love equals Free Access...there were a lot of Creeps lurking around." The woman next to me, who I like very much, looked me in the eyes and I could tell I said too much. Only a victim of a Creep would say that. And off my mind went...

I've always seen my Dissociative Fugue at 20 as the beginning of my challenges but now I'm wondering if I had been kinda "in and out" long before my extended episode. My Panic when I drive is that I'll drift off into disassociation and then I get thing zing of adrenaline and suddenly I'm so hyper-aware I can't take it. Nasty nasty cycle. Nasty nasty War.

Cyber-Self: Look at you go! You're eating better, sleeping better, and putting your best foot forward and taking on the Battles. Keep on keepin' on!

Punkin Chunkin: First of all, I was kinda enjoying that I had either nothing to chunk or at least, just my own trash but... sure enough I got a text the other night regarding a person I have tried hard to extricate from my radar. She's not my kid. She not even an Adoptee (I do have a couple of Adopted Sons right now...very cool.) 'Need to get that Crap Stank AWAY from me! Jiminy Crickets!

*wheeling Chunker back into the garage after a thorough rinsing* Chores stink.