Early Start

Woke up just before 6…not sure if it's pre-trip jitters or if I slept so solid after 3 hours talking to Joe last night. Either way, I'm feeling pretty fucking awesome. And very ready for Campmeeting (except financially…oi). I'm pretty sure that the events of the last few months will play heavily into how my "filter" hears the messages this weekend. It's all good.

'Not sure if I'm liking some of the elements in my last doodles… I do go through little phases for sure. The best thing is to just keep at it…with an open heart and smiling spirit. Once again, I have a really special guy in Maine to thank for helping me to maintain both.

Maybe I'll figure out a way to bring some Peace home for GMP… and a few other choice souls….

Way-to-Go Joe

For all of the…strife?…over the last couple of weeks, it's been interesting to see new outcomes. I owe Joe a lot; he's imbued me with just the right dose of confidence. GP and Mr. Annoying have crossed my path; we were even all three in one spot at the same time. Mr. A literally fell into me as I was opening a door…GP was standing next to me. On a bad day, I would have asked to leave. I hung in there for most of an evening with GP…until he went off…again. 'Felt like a Lesson from the Great Whatever.

I got a lot of texts from GP the next morning and I can only hope he's peaceful today. He's accusing me of using my Single Status as a "weapon". 'Doesn't love me but has been increasingly irritated at my efforts to move on. Again, it's Joe who gives me enough peace to question and not accuse back…

A lot of little things might be sucky but I get to spend time smiling at the words from a man over 2000mi away. The Magical Boost has meant everything…and Joe seems to think so, too. It's all GOOD.

Lots of Homework from the Great Whatever...

I'm dedicating this image to Joe the Tiny House Guy in Maine. He stayed with me on IM ALL DAY yesterday… now that's the love and respect I need. He's a good man. I don't know if or when we'll ever make phone calls. I suspect his Tourette's would likely color the conversation. And I have no idea if we'll ever meet.

She Who Cries Last...

'Probably sleeps better at night.

For those who want to hurt me, you'll probably always succeed. I leave myself open and I'm an easy target. Where's the sport in that?

Image One Week Later...

Like I said, we "hope to", not "plan to". Very good week though with some interesting twists and turns. Back to having great sex but also have my first "online" date tomorrow. I had to ask that Special Someone to not come to where I'm meeting my date…couldn't risk crossing paths. I'm not planning to do anything but enjoy my date. If the time comes to break my monogamy/social celibacy, I feel I really have to say something then…can't be "buddies" if I start seeing someone else, Dude. A "bridge to cross" once it's discovered. So much for simplicity.

And the most interesting plot-twist was today: I discovered lots of photos on my iPad that I had not taken. Apparently an app let the Ex-Boo upload pics 5 days after I moved. The one album just has to be his jerk-off slideshow because there's Jessica Alba and lots and lots of photos of a "friend" in various bikinis. I say "friend" because that chica did a pretty thorough job of making sure my ass was out of Boo's life/house/$$. Well good for y'all. Now the Group has come full circle and all is right with your world. It would be very funny if this "friend" somehow starts living with the Ex-Boo…with her children. It's all good. I left with the "Gravy".

So I'm glad I had a little time to put stuff into letters and symbols. I'm very grateful for so much, actually. I'm glad that, no matter when those photos were taken, I'm just now seeing them. It could have gotten very very very very ugly.

Words First...

I hit what feels like a magical number: I've lost 25lbs. And I really haven't been trying.  My impulse this morning is to go through and "untag" my fat Facebook photos. I do look much much better than those pics.  I feel like I've shed a skin…I think I have.

I really want to have some face time with a certain Someone. I just want to let him know that there's been a shift in the Right Direction and I'm visual proof. I want to share all of the Adventures of the last six weeks…I want to reassure him that he made the right call. I want to ask for a fresh start. Lately, when I find myself starting to miss him, I'll tell myself, "He's gonna ADORE you when he's 60." 'Pretty sure that's a fair assessment.

I joined an online dating site. smh It's like a new fucking career. There are 3 that I like a lot so far…

I'm hopeful for a chance to make an image today. We don't say, "Planning to…" around here. We say, "Hoping to…" around the Compound. THIS IS THE BEST PLACE I'VE EVER LIVED. Sorry to yell but there's a chainsaw running outside. Sweet...

Independence

I mentioned in an earlier post that I had "Connections." Well…after sorting my Emotional Trash (threw one beau away, trying to refurbish my relationship w GMP), I have taken somewhat of a stand with some of these…influences, for lack of a better word. Again, I just don't feel very comfortable sharing just what that all means; I just feel there's been a resolution of sorts. Sometimes anger is great for establishing just what's important. After a week of dealing with Garbage Beau, and feeling kinda stupid to have to re-learn the lesson, I know what I DON'T want. I'm a Good Person and I deserve to not burden myself with…crap. On any level, including with the Great Whatever.

I will say that some of the "influences" are of an…ethereal…nature? 'Got me reading into peoples' actions and really, not my "filter". To be even MORE vague: Worry is the most destructive of all Intentions cast towards someone. It implies incompetence. It implies a lack of trust. I refuse to perpetuate Worry cast by others…"whatever" they are.

Ah….now for the rest of my day!