Notes about the Previous Image.

Wow.

I can't believe how much time I spend looking at images after I've created them. I'm always wondering what my choices mean especially since I work in Photoshop and the Process is so abbreviated; there's no time to mull things over too much...until later.

That image of my Girl has caused me to cry several times. My heart sees her in all of her ages and I would do anything for a nanosecond back in that Moment. The composition this time really captures how my Heart sees her. Everything else really has little context; my impulse is to run and scoop up that Girl in my arms...but I can't. Even though it's a form of heartache, what a great feeling to have.

Tears are good for you. It's a scientific fact.

I have a day of socializing today here in town. Wish me luck, Cyber-Universe. Cyber-Self: Remember the saying, "Just because you think it, doesn't mean you have to say it." and ask yourself, "What purpose do my actions serve?" and "What's the Greater Good?"

That oughta keep your brain busy enough to stay out of trouble...HA!

Staying on Task

At least most of my recent images are FROM the Shore; I had originally intended to create floral-based stuff but... it's all about the Journey, right?

And I have been totally kicking ASS at my Part-Time McJob! Especially once I realized it wasn't about "kicking ass" but more about efficiency and pace. I already have a reputation for giving great 2 hour massages. ('Not having to run around for 2 hours for me is total Bliss.) So I'm thinking that I need to rethink the term "McJob" even though, as far as massage goes, it is one. But it also happens to be a great fit on a part-time basis. Doubles my income. Comes at a very Good Time!

I honestly didn't feel our town's economic slide until very recently. I was lulled into a schedule that just barely covered my bills with a little walking around money. All it took to knock things off balance were a couple of missed appointments a month...too precarious fer shure. So I've snapped my ass out of that bind. And I'm truly having fun! (Not gonna lie though...my heat pack and I spend a lot more time together!)

And in other news, there are the Ladies of Lockhart. I'm currently dealing with 2 specific ladies but, in many ways, the characters are interchangeable with myself included. There is something about this particular latitude and longitude that attracts some pretty wonderful and wacky folks. ALL are uniquely creative, resourceful, talented, egotistical, self-indulgent, highly nurturing, and emotionally fragile. Oh my. It does get quite messy. The most common element is Rage which usually pops up when relationships become especially close...I'm not a Shrink so I can't really say why. But for whatever reason, I feel uniquely qualified to move their Process ahead (maybe). What's different this time is that one side has no interest in reconciliation and the other will be hearing my honest opinion in the days ahead (we have "quality time" planned). Again, I don't really know why I need to work on this with her but I do. She must already know she exasperates me so.... I'm thinking that on some level, she's wanting to know. She's wanting someone her to tell her the Truth. ('With the usual disclaimers of course considering Filters and all.)

I'm thinking my impulse to mediate comes from living in Philly. Making a Good Life means investing in people who are most likely to treat you well and that you feel compelled to treat well in return. An Interdependence that makes Sense. I can't help but feel like recent advancements in my Life has everything to do with letting go of relationships that made no sense! They were NonSense. Once I lost the compulsion to treat them well, then I knew it was time. Actually...past time...I let folks become pretty ugly through my Filter. 'Time to focus on Common Sense.

(noticing that it's 9am) I am enjoying what resembles a routine. On days that I don't work until late afternoon, I officially "start" my day at 9. Anything before that is whatever I want...which today was THIS!

And I'm ready to "clock in". XO-D

More Digitalbdoodlin'

'Working hard. 'Trying to fit ALL of my Creative Time into too specific of a timeframe. 'Got myself entwined in some drama between some local ladies, too. Hmmmm. No: ohmmmmmmm

Upper is the revision, lower is the one I didn't like and therefore, revised.

I let my Boo give me something to "relax"... we obviously have two very different definitions. His is "too sleepy to move"; mine isn't.

Onward and upward....eventually!

You tell 'em!

I am Not You.

or "The Distance Between Us - Part 3(?)"

Not sure if now is the best time to write. Try as I might, I can't shake feeling like I'm being "watched" on my blog...at least it happens less often. Of course, I could always change access but there's this part of me that refuses to adapt to another's mean-spiritedness. This blog isn't for them; it's for me. It's my virtual document to those who outlive me. The Who, What, Where, When for the span of years that I've decided to write this. (Laughing at my own need to keep repeating myself. pfft.)

I woke up with my first sunburn of the year. Yesterday was (nearly) Total Bliss. I kicked ass working this week so when I woke up, I decided that Saturday would be about Meandering. I meandered around the house, meandered to the farmer's market for social meandering, and then meandered over to my most favorite backyard to listen to music. 'Got lots of hugs along the way, a few quick conversations and promises to get together, and then I made my own "campsite". Sometimes there's nothing better than an established personal space. What was so nice was the people who visited my space and then very nicely, went onto their own. I really just wanted to sit under a tree and listen to good music... and I did (for the most part.) Didn't realize I was gettin' burned though...pfft.

So...the "(nearly)" and "(for the most part.)" obviously indicate that within my Bliss were Sources of Agitation. 'Still workin' on that. I know it's more about my Filter but geez...really? Some social behaviors feel like a Show for Attention. Gonna leave it at that.

I am a Gregarious Loner. 'Got too many wheels turning sometimes and I just don't have the Patience for people. Out of Love, I sometimes like to be Present but Separate. I adore how this town (for the most part...ha!) seems to totally respect that. I am Home.

So now it's off to another marathon for $$$. Maybe next post should be about my new "McJob." I'm finding it all very interesting so far and actually quite profitable. Who knew?

Cyber-Self, you should Meander more.

And you know, I think I pretty much chunked any punkins' without even realizing it! It's finally becoming a Reflex....YES!

digitalbdoodlin

Limited play time and things to do...this is what rushing will do. The significance of the photo is that it was taken in my Boo's (now deceased) brother's truck at his lake house. Maybe I'll revisit the attempt; maybe I won't.

Thinkin'

Silly Me

(Alpha Rev "New Morning" blasting)

I was just sitting here wondering what to do with myself. Duh! I've had such a focus on images that I plum forgot about writing. Silly me. Silly because my brain does seem to fill up with words/ideas and there comes a time to off-gas (so to speak) or I risk speaking/reacting/writing without an adequate filter. And I came SOOOOOOOOOOOOO close so many times this past weekend to just being all-out pissed-off and obnoxious...like I'm tired of trying to behave myself. But I was very very good. Very grateful to have put the kabash on some of the extraneous stupid bullshit going on in my Life several (!) months ago and I'm not gonna risk gettin' my shoes dirty now.

I'm fixin' to literally BLAST into action in the week ahead. I need to stop fretting about whether or not I can handle so much work; better to savor moments of quiet (okay the music is really loud cuz I'm suddenly home alone) and be grateful for the abundance. To never take it for granted. Go with the flow but watch your step.

Awhile back I wrote about my pathetic, blubbering version of Tough Love and a couple of days ago, I caught myself doing it again with my daughter. Argh! So today, after I straightened out her college fund for the umpteenth time, I sent her and her father a very stern (but not hostile) email about the situation. Facts and figures with an expression of my disappointment and a deadline before I just send the rest of the money to them so "they can freak out on it" (ok...that was probably a little hostile). I liked her response;."..I hear you loud and clear, and I'm doing what I can Mom. <3." with a brief description of what WAS happening on her end. 'Wonder if I'll hear from him. Divorce: you can move all your shit 1700 miles away and the Ex can stress you like they're right next door. Pfffft!

'Luckily the weekend ended in Emotional Balance. The Meredith clan had a wonderful day in Fredricksburg (actually my aunt's cabin sorta near there) just being together for no reason. No birthday or sick relative visit...just sitting around in the woods. Nice. Dad and I talked about Art and Photography for a long time. He's entering an interesting realm...feels that way at least...glad I'm here with him. With everybody.

My Godfather's got bladder cancer and no idea what that "means" yet. My Godmother is emotionally all over the place. Sent them each a card since I have no idea when I'll see them for certain. If anything, I am a good card-sender; I think they'll smile. There's actually a few older folks I love either in a hospital, just got home from one, or is in rehab care. A woman from my church, as we were saying goodnight at a local fundraiser, told me she loved me. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She just made me beam; I want to be everyone's Goddaughter.

So Cyber-Self... congrats on Boundaries and not takin' Bait. Pray for the day to come when you lose all interest, all together.

Punkin Chunkin: I totally resent maintaining Boundaries and, really, FUCK the Bait, Fuckers!

(kachunk) Now that felt good!

Re-posted. There were some annoying flaws...there's always flaws but I had to fix these.