Silly Me

(Alpha Rev "New Morning" blasting)

I was just sitting here wondering what to do with myself. Duh! I've had such a focus on images that I plum forgot about writing. Silly me. Silly because my brain does seem to fill up with words/ideas and there comes a time to off-gas (so to speak) or I risk speaking/reacting/writing without an adequate filter. And I came SOOOOOOOOOOOOO close so many times this past weekend to just being all-out pissed-off and obnoxious...like I'm tired of trying to behave myself. But I was very very good. Very grateful to have put the kabash on some of the extraneous stupid bullshit going on in my Life several (!) months ago and I'm not gonna risk gettin' my shoes dirty now.

I'm fixin' to literally BLAST into action in the week ahead. I need to stop fretting about whether or not I can handle so much work; better to savor moments of quiet (okay the music is really loud cuz I'm suddenly home alone) and be grateful for the abundance. To never take it for granted. Go with the flow but watch your step.

Awhile back I wrote about my pathetic, blubbering version of Tough Love and a couple of days ago, I caught myself doing it again with my daughter. Argh! So today, after I straightened out her college fund for the umpteenth time, I sent her and her father a very stern (but not hostile) email about the situation. Facts and figures with an expression of my disappointment and a deadline before I just send the rest of the money to them so "they can freak out on it" (ok...that was probably a little hostile). I liked her response;."..I hear you loud and clear, and I'm doing what I can Mom. <3." with a brief description of what WAS happening on her end. 'Wonder if I'll hear from him. Divorce: you can move all your shit 1700 miles away and the Ex can stress you like they're right next door. Pfffft!

'Luckily the weekend ended in Emotional Balance. The Meredith clan had a wonderful day in Fredricksburg (actually my aunt's cabin sorta near there) just being together for no reason. No birthday or sick relative visit...just sitting around in the woods. Nice. Dad and I talked about Art and Photography for a long time. He's entering an interesting realm...feels that way at least...glad I'm here with him. With everybody.

My Godfather's got bladder cancer and no idea what that "means" yet. My Godmother is emotionally all over the place. Sent them each a card since I have no idea when I'll see them for certain. If anything, I am a good card-sender; I think they'll smile. There's actually a few older folks I love either in a hospital, just got home from one, or is in rehab care. A woman from my church, as we were saying goodnight at a local fundraiser, told me she loved me. I gave her a kiss on the cheek. She just made me beam; I want to be everyone's Goddaughter.

So Cyber-Self... congrats on Boundaries and not takin' Bait. Pray for the day to come when you lose all interest, all together.

Punkin Chunkin: I totally resent maintaining Boundaries and, really, FUCK the Bait, Fuckers!

(kachunk) Now that felt good!