You Can Never Know What Lies in the Heart of Another

Ha! I said I wouldn't use the iPad to blog...doing it. I said I wanted to work on NJ based art...avoiding it? Probably. I keep finding photos that stop me in my tracks.

The image above uses only two photos from a series of six or so. I must have been checking out the motion capture doohickey. We were at a fundraiser in Philly and it was just before I left for Texas. My daughter had to hear, several times at this event, what great news it was that I was divorcing and going home. I know she thought it was rude of people to say that in front of her. She's right! But...unless you know what to look for in her eyes, you'd never know she was barely maintaining patience. I know I pissed her off a couple of times that day. Everything was transitional and awkward.

My Lenten sacrifice is to give up "if only..." thinking. So far, so good, although it's sometimes more like not thinking of pink elephants. I'm at least noticing that I'm not nearly as bad as I was in Philly. I could spend days just vibrating in place with stress and hoping something magical would change everything. These days its more about getting ahead a little instead of breaking even. There's some shuffling around with my schedule/revenue coming soon so that will be a distraction.

And I've eliminated at some point, without even noticing, any kind of wishful thinking regarding the past. There just isn't any of the gut wrenching regret I experienced in my teens and twenties. (My thirties were just too damn overwhelming and stressful.) I can feel bad about outcomes without regretting the catalysts for change. No matter how much I miss my children, I've never harbored any "if only I hadn't..." thoughts about leaving their father.

I'm almost drifting off to sleep; another "minus" for writing on the iPad vs sitting at my desk.

Cyber-Self, good for you for trying out a whole new realm of people this weekend . What a blast and a Blessing. And c'mon, it's much easier now because you're not carrying the bag of rocks around. Good stuff.

Cyber-Universe, as my title suggests, no one can ever truly know my thoughts. Be prepared for me to protect my boundaries. I let a lot of rude BS slip by unanswered last year and that era has passed.