Process

The full explanation is on my Shutterfly page.

Cyber-Universe: I was harsh yesterday. 'Can't honestly be sorry though. As I learned from a few choice women this weekend, it's good be a strict mother. The goal is to raise children who are self-disciplined, self-sufficient, self-loving, respectful, and kind. Personally, I sucked at that for the most part with my own kids. 'Sometimes its was too easy to shrug my shoulders and say, "But I didn't have a mother!" That's bullshit. I have lots of mothers and I know better...now.

Cyber-Self: So okay. You made some stuff and you made your point. Now look to your left...no more play time until that pile is done! (I'm such a Task Master...not!)

And "so it goes". (now that's time travel lol...if you followed the link)

Just to catch you up, the previous post states: "Birthday sucked." True dat. 'Didn't see it coming and I'm actually glad it happened the way it did.

Last year about this time, Boo and I were driving home from a party when the song, "Dedicated to the One I Love" by the Mamas and Papas played on my iPod. He cranked it up and played it over and over and by the third time we're both yelling/singing in harmony. Awesome. Significant.

Last year was the 40th anniversary of my mother's death in a car accident. That song was my parent's "song". My father used it in a film school short about his being away in 'Nam.

It's also mine and my daughter's. Great love songs aren't about romance.

So here was the man I love, falling in love with such an Important Song. And then I realized that it was the 40th anniversary and I had to smile at God. I love it when things get soooo connected.

This year I wasn't connected to anything but Facebook. 'Had a great day before, celebrating with family. 'Had a great day after, too. But the actual day was just pitiful. I'm pretty much over it today...I think. 'Might have a cold.

Dear Cyber-Universe: Hmmm. If you think something's unethical and/or immoral, it probably is. Never, ever presume I've personally made any kind of judgement unless I feel compelled, out of Love, to say something. Otherwise...please...get over yourselves already. Don't make me some type of symbol of opposition. 'Waste of time...for me especially.

Cyber-Self: You go, Grrrl. But the minute you start taking yourself too seriously, it's all over. Lighten up.

The Mamas and Papas

Birthday sucked.

Done...

My Shutterfly book is on the way, I renewed my Massage License and I (finally) figured out what was f*ed up with my daughter's college tuition payments. These things hung on me for weeks and I'm feeling a little ridiculous that all three were done either in a matter of moments or the solution finally became obvious. I want to go play now but these were only the FIRST 3 things lol.

Cyber-Universe: If any folks are wandering around thinking bad thoughts about me please know that if I don't know what your issue is, then I certainly can't address it. I will assume that silence means you don't care. Never assume that I don't care...I might just think it's better to let folks make their own mistakes and learn by fixing them. (Delightfully cryptic, huh!)

Cyber-Self: Enough with being cryptic.

Today's (instead of) Work

Life

I recently received the following email:

Hey Denise, hope all is well. I miss you. I was curious if you could write or call my father and let him know he is being extremely irresponsible by not getting a biopsy that he so disparately needs. He said he would rather just die. I am really upset and could use all the help I can get!"

I've known the sender since she was 2 years old. Her father and I worked together at the Painted Bride Art Center for a number of years. I babysat LM numerous times. PBAC staff were all artists and all family. It really was a wonderful place and a wonderful time.

But was it really my place to interfere? We haven't seen each other since I left Philly 2 years ago. Even then, it was only on Christmas Eve for a few years before that. (Our family always had an Open House.)

After a few days, here's my response:

Good Morning, L. I think of you, M. and LM every Christmas Eve...there really was a Golden Time for the Clark family. I'm so grateful that you were a part of that. But I am feeling very lucky to be home in Texas and close to my father. He was recently diagnosed with Parkinson's; it seems to be progressing steadily. I can't help but think that I got here in the nick of time.

I tell you that because, of course, LM contacted me. I waited a few days to really mull it over; I can't say that I wouldn't behave the same way on both sides! I won't know what it's like for either of you until I get there myself. And remember that Twenty-somethings have absolutely no clue about our choices because they just aren't fully emotionally and intellectually WIRED yet. They are not done growing. It takes a few Big Events before they become true adults with perspective.

With that said, LM's appeal broke my heart. As a child of such dynamic, creative parents, a lot of her identity is based upon her life with you! You give up and it feels like you're giving up on her...even if she doesn't know that consciously. 'Gotta respect that. I'd definitely do the same with my Dad and I have before. Love drives us to it. L-O-V-E! We want to hold onto our fathers because we are now old enough to truly love them.

So here is my advice: If the VA is footing the bill, at least know for certain what you're dealing with.

I think we should all be grateful that LM has grown into such a wonderful, warm, loving person. By including me in a situation that I really have no business butting into, she took me to such a loving place. I had the same feeling when I contacted Lenny after his brother's murder. There is an undeniable lifelong bond between us all. 'Guess it's that funky Painted Bride JuJu.

Peace to you, L. You all are in my prayers. XO-D

Cyber-Universe: The Big Picture deserves the same attention as a Expressionist painting; the discovery is in seeing the painting far away and then walking closer to see how the details aren't really details at all.

Cyber-Self: Aren't you glad you decided to back up far enough to see the details again!?!

Love is Good.