The Blob's Blah Blog

It finally happened. I hit my own Critical Mass.

I went shopping with my daughter and her godmother; a birthday treat for my 13 yr-old princess. I had to buy myself a pair of khaki pants for an upcoming job. Yes, khaki. Not black khaki-style pants... the real deal. And in a size that I haven't worn before.

These simply have to be my look-how-big-I-used-to-be pants.

I know how I got here and I vaguely remember how to get myself back out... it's gonna take some doing. Right now, I don't feel motivated at all. In fact I'm looking at the clock and I'm wanting to go watch "The Flavor of Love" (Flav vuh flav!) Now that's pretty damn pitiful.

I did change my meds a week or so before our shopping excursion. Because of the cost, I have to order from Canada and our post office SUCKS so I ended up weaning down one of my meds anyway. I know it can take awhile before I can feel the difference so I haven't completely ditched the Wellbutrin but I'm close. I didn't bother to tell my doc. That's pretty weird of me.

So now I'm back in my head and all I can feel is my body. I know that ultimately this is a good thing. If I'm fat, I should feel it! Today I'm just disgusted.

At least my Rob Brezsny "Free Will Astrology" horoscope for this week was cool. He quoted one of my favorite Butthole Surfer's songs and it was about an avalanche of change, like water off a mountain. Maybe what I'm feeling is an avalanche of Reality; a building potential for motivation.

Guess that will have to do. Namaste