1) Getting my chores done on my one day off:
The dialogue in my head is always funny on this particular subject. I end up deciding upon increments of "free time" and "chore time". Whose metaphorical clock is ticking here? I don't recall this particular reward system as a kid... (Writing/blogging is considered "free time.") At this moment, I'm a little anxious about a report due for one of my disabled clients. I'm so geographically removed from the company office that they sometimes don't realize they are passing along new challenges/things I don't know about. Again, I'm encountering my own behavior: I'm procrastinating like a student! I'm guessing I'll be tackling this until late tonight since it's due tomorrow. *sigh*
2) The Ladies of Lockhart:
Last night, I brought along a female friend to a party that I knew was a guaranteed good time. This particular friend is much like a lot of women in this town: smart, quirky, creative, incredibly sensitive and sometimes a real pain in the ass. In her case, I think it's perceived that she's actually MORE difficult than she actually is. She seemed really nervous about coming as my guest and it didn't help that we had to wade through the Awkward Crowd the very first minute but, hey, once that was done, it was all easy. She probably knew more people than I did and it truly warmed my heart to see her dancing and having a blast. The only downside was that my gesture kind of threw me into a more pensive, watchful mood than a dancing one. I suspect I really should always have a camera because I do sometimes lurk as an observer more than participant sometimes. I don't mind it but it IRKS me to NO END when people make a fuss about it...so...
3)Being tired of Fake Shit:
I'm not gonna call anyone out in particular unless...she doesn't back the fuck off. Leave me BE. I would rather sit completely still and be REAL and than push myself onto people with totally Fake Interest. I tested it last night by actually answering a Fake Question. I was rewarded with a blank look. Gratefully, I don't have her neurotic need to be the center of attention nor do I necessarily have the need to hide. I am Where I'm At wherever I go. I'll follow my Mood as it comes to me and NOT have you bully me into being interested in you. If Time evolves BOTH of us to a point of mutual tolerance, great. Until then, find a hobby...I ain't it.
4) What to do about 2) and 3):
Hmmm... I think this is where prayer and reflection are in order! I want so much for there to be a wonderfully dynamic group of women who can relate to and support one another but too often, eccentricities divide us. Close female friends find ways to hurt one another, others take sides. Luckily, there are a few Solid Gals who remain (outwardly) oblivious of any of the Fake Shit. They just sigh wistfully at the BS and keep plugging along. Maybe one day I'll get to be a Solid Gal but I suspect that will only happen after menopause. Sometimes barely keep myself in check. At least I have a goal!
*ding ding* Free Time is almost over.
Cyber-Self: You DID get some pretty essential stuff done already so don't sweat the little shit. Considering the workload you've taken on, you should be patting yourself on the back more...maybe then you won't notice the Fake Shit or at least be able to ignore it all. This too will pass. (Just had a Major Snap: if my daughter goes through these writings one day, I bet she's shaking her head 'bout now. 'Hope she knows that a) I'm trying and b) I'll always be in awe of her ability to be sooooooo removed from Drama. If I was anything, I hope I was at least a model of what NOT to do. haha)
Punkin-Chunkin: Wish some select folks would take up the sport. I'm guessing part of the Bigger Issues are that people are carrying around excessive loads of Crap that they should have Chunked A LIFETIME ago! Just sayin'.
But what do I know?
