The Shift and the Swing of the Pendulum now make sense...

Sort of. But sometimes that's the best we can do. We hang in there, process things as best we can, and move forward. 'Looks like there's a Regular Routine in my near future... awesome. I could use more structure AND more income. I'm trying not to be too pissed at God for the length, breadth, scope, timeline of all of this Life Change Stuff but whatever. I still have enough Inner Pollyanna...

'though you wouldn't know it by the end of my last post, Cyber-Universe! Wow. That definitely had an Emotional Charge and not a happy one. Hmmm. I would never dream of apologizing because this is a blog. Plus documented bits of Rage can be very educational, Cyber-Self. These days I'm keeping some cards closer to my chest, so to speak. 'Seems like a wise move. Relationship poker lol?

Just because recent themes now make sense doesn't mean that they are "done". The Shift has just passed cresting: Robert has passed away and we are emotionally re-building. My job will expand because one receptionist quit. We're financially living moment to moment.

The Pendulum has brought me to a moment in time that I had actually asked for: I wanted my children to be grown before I'd have to consider or be involved in my father's health (and his mortality...some day). My daughter turns 18 on Saturday. I found out about my Dad's Parkinson's the day she flew back to Philly a few weeks ago. I'm not nearly as upset as I was but Robert's death has me melancholy and that drags things into worry...it's like mud. Worry sticks to me, weighs me down, and leaves prints everywhere. I share that transparency with my Boo's mom. *aha* Maybe that's why soaking in my "redneck spa" has been so helpful: I'm symbolically washing off my Mental Mud...pretty awesome. (Total Sidebar:Professionally, I'm wondering about the effect of soaking in below 80F water on chronic pain/inflammation i.e. fibromyalgia, arthritis, Crohn's even. I'm my own "guinea pig" for the time being. Yum.)

And in all of this shifting and swinging, the landscape of my relationships are changed considerably and most definitely for the better. 'Still have challenges out there; personalities I haven't quite dealt with but I've been thinking on it (in the "spa" no less!) One positive, immediate outcome after a death is Perspective. If some folks want to make the same ol' shitty mistakes over and over then there's really nothing for me to do or to worry about. I pray for the ones I love and I support their efforts...when they make them. If they don't care, I will try to back off.

So I kinda repeated the same line of thought as the last post: I've ended this on a negative note. Hmmm. Maybe it's my way of saying, "You don't know what I'm thinking and you're not the boss of me!" And it's sufficiently cryptic, too. Bonus. Keep 'em guessin'! (Why I would need to be that way on my own blog is a mystery to me, too. 'Keep myself guessin'?!?!?! haha)

Cyber-Universe and Cyber-Self, I have nothing but Love for you. 'May not always sound like it but I do. Peace out home-skillets.