A Chigger in my Belly Button: My Daughter and I Visit Family in Texas

Hola, Cyber-Self. Hola, Cyber-Universe.

Nothin' says "Welcome Home to Texas" like a bug bite in the belly button... especially charming since I couldn't help from scratching myself for the last three days there. (NOW you Yankees know why Hicks are always shown scratchin' their bellies. Chiggers.)

And if you know me, you know that I like nothing more than "studying my own belly button" and yes, I'm prepared to go with the metaphor.

If Plastic Could Talk

The last day of our stay in Texas was spent with life-long friends of my dad's; we were celebrating his birthday. Upon entering their new home, the wife handed me my high school i.d. from my freshman year . Wow! Yet another reminder... my daughter will start high school this year. And another reminder that she's much more prepared than I was and in so many ways. Thanks for the find!

Which brings me back to my "belly button": where WAS this piece of plastic for the last 28 years?!?!?!?

My sister and I grew up with our friends' 4 boys. Between the two of us, we dated 3 of 4 them (yes, the 4th is gay which is why we remain friends4ever) So... which brother kept it? Was it under the carpet or in a drawer? It does look like it may have been used to pick a lock so I do have the sense it was at least utilitarian. Wacky. Don't worry though, I totally get it with my Inner Southern Belle. Nice place to visit but I'm obviously not That Girl any more. (Sigh.)

The Whole Fam-Damnily

Yup. This is them. At least the ones from Manchaca, Texas who are either descendants of my Great Grandfather or married to one. My Aunt Lil (center, in the black dress) gave me this when I visited her. She said it was taken in 1966 because my father was leaving for Vietnam.

Some "belly button" stats:
* Only one couple pictured divorced.

* Of the ones yet to marry, only one marriage ended in divorce.

* My mother, Sandra Meredith, 2nd female from the right, was having an affair with a person pictured. He's a left-handed alcoholic; so is my husband.

* The oldest to die, my Great Grandfather (to the right of Lil...duh), Neal Meredith was 92.

* The youngest, my mother, was 29.

* I'm the youngest and the tubbiest of the toddlers.

* It looks like my Grandmother, Margaret, just pulled on my ears so I would behave.

* And, you know how when you're little and make a face and someone tells you "it will stick that way"? My cousin Michael's did! (Only boy toddler... did I really have to tell you? Lol)

* Funniest Family Name: Buford Whitehead. He's the one with the big ears. His wife, Annie Mae, is between him and my Aunt Lil.

* Most Beloved Relative: All of them! Well... except maybe for my cousins... they were pretty mean to me.

Reasons to live in Austin/Reasons not to:
It would be impossible for me to visit Texas and not imagine living there. But so much has changed with the landscape; I know Philly like the back of my hand. At least the places where I would be less likely to die from gunfire.

Pro: I would love to have more time with all of my family. I truly miss everyone. There are some really neat places to live either in or way out of Austin. People are generally polite. The food doesn't even compare to Philly fare; I can eat healthy AND yummy in Austin.

Con: My daughter is in Philly. I just got started with my business and I really want to see what happens... it's just getting exciting. After 20 years, I've made friends that are too hard to leave. And of course, my husband, step-sons and our dog are here; they're definitely happy right where they are. Literally. Leaving Philly would mean leaving them.

The 411

I have to admit that I was probably too glib in discussing Life's current challenges with some of my family in Texas. It's the meds. I've only been on my higher dose for a couple of weeks; still getting my land-legs. (see previous post)

This had to be the best visit home ever. I am so grateful to my aunt and sister for buying us the tickets. I know my daughter left feeling connected (money can't buy that, only lovin'. ) Thanks so much to everyone who made our visit so wonderfully comfortable, intimate, and fun. I have a busy stretch ahead of me but I hope to have photos from my daughter's new digital camera (thanks, Grandpa and Ginky!) to post.

That's if I can quit scratching at my chigger bite.

Namaste! And have fun! XO-D

Flood the Rut

Dear Cyber-Self, Cyber-Universe,

It's been more than 6 weeks since my last confession... Oi! How many ways can I say, "Why has it been soooo long?" It's certainly not for lack of material. Maybe it takes seeing how things play through before I allow myself to comment; that's probably a good thing. (Hey, it ain't easy being me! lol)

The Rut

The only element that has the same timeline is my internal efforts to pull myself out of my latest Rut. It was interesting to take time to really look at what constitutes "a rut":

1) The sides and bottom, much like the literal "rut", are smooth and well-worn; slippery and diificult to get out of.

2) It is conspicously well-traveled; avoidable but... not! Argh!

3) Sometimes it just seems easier to follow; a path of least resistance.

4) Leaving one requires desire, creativity, and a damned good sense of humor i.e. you have to risk falling on your ass and looking completely stupid.

5) Sometimes it's all about Luck.

But that's what makes a Successful Removal from the Rut all the more victorious. (Knock on wood.) I made the decision about 2 months ago to increase one of my meds back to where it had been. Then, I decided to move beyond that. And I feel much much better... which brings me to:

"How Come All My Friends Got Issues?"

I overheard a woman saying this on the bus as I was on the way to see my Shrink. I always do a little "talking" in my head when I go to see her (I call it "homework" because as a kid I was always prepared to "report" like a Good Girl.) When I heard it, I knew it was something that I wish I had said... what IS with the people close to me? And how come their Issues are so CONTAGIOUS!

Which made for a great therapy session opener. My Shrink explained to me what was probably happening to me chemically. Patients who take SSRI's (antidepressants) for an extended time can run into the "Poop-Out" as she called it. The strategy: reduce dosage for a period of time and gradually increase either back to previous dosage or even slightly higher i.e. what I did anyway! (Again with the Good Girl mentality... oi!) As in my previous post, I hope those close to me who take SSRI's will keep themselves monitored; they are WORTH it! Feeling good is WORTH it! (Really smart people went to school for this; we didn't!)

"Did You Call Him Out on It?"

My daughter said these words to me over a month ago. Hy Hubby was being a Jerk and I was sitting in the livingroom with her. I was on a Rolling Boil. She asked me if I was okay and then said those magic words. I did indeed "call him out" and we talked for hours. I've been using her advice ever since. Nothing like Clarity!

I left my Shrink's office feeling the freedom of having escaped the Rut. Now the challenge of avoiding of It...

Nick's Roast Beef 10th Annnual Fishing Trip
(I think we'd all like to call it a "Wishing" trip cuz nobody caught anything!)

Boy do I love these people! I truly truly do. Granted, it's a bar crowd but I can't think of any other group who treats me as well as these folks. Maybe it's because most of them are over 50... dunno. Just about everyone is openly affectionate and, if you know me, I need a lot of that. I also need to give it. It's a win-win.

This was my 2nd excursion out in the ocean with the Gang. I didn't take any Dramamine and I didn't need it even though it was pretty choppy (hence the lack of fish.)

Highlights:

My friend, Mary Jo, wore a sundress that caught the breeze quite often. I told the owner's VFW buddies that we girls were sent a memo asking that we ALL wear dresses! lol (I was in a non-blowing skirt.)

Mary Jo's roommate, Krista, and Krista's boyfriend, Mike, were soooo despised by the end of the day that I think they actually bonded the rest of us! (Don't worry, those 2 don't read blogs.)
A short list: Krista removed her underwear once she was on the bus to leave, she wore a dress also but when the breeze didn't catch it, she made sure we had a view anyway (EW now I am BLIND!), they insisted on making out at the FRONT of the boat where the wives fish, Krista also decided that it was a good place to change into her bikini top, and in between making out on the bus, the two of them decided to either sing or whine at each other. Charming they were NOT.

Every possible joke using the word "pole" was told at LEAST once! (Nothing like a captive audience!)

I actually fished! (or "wished" as it were.)

At the end of the day, both the owner and the bartender who organizes the trip spent some time with me, thanking me for being a good hostess even though I wasn't asked (?) Apparently, I did talk to every single person (50 or so) on that trip and had a good laugh with most of them. So, I thanked THEM, and then they thanked me, and then, no, thank YOU... what a lovely way to end an adventure.

Timing is Everything

The weekend before the trip, my father was here in the Philly area on a working visit. We went to the Shore once he was done. (I hope I wasn't too much of a Rut-Slug.) We were all just sitting around when my Hubby's First Wife called. They haven't seen each other in 27 years!!!! And she just wanted to drop by....

I won't go into detail but after she left, my father had the opportunity to overhear me "call out" my Hubby for being a rude idiot. My dad also had the opportunity to hear the Hubby apologise to him AND me. Yet another shimmer of Hope... the Hubby did good.

My daughter and I will be going to Austin in about a week... it was really nice to have a "pre-visit".

A Philly "Must-Do"

If you visit or live in Philly, I highly recommended the City Sail sunset trip on the Delaware. I went with 2 of my friends (wish my dad had come since he was close by). http://www.citysail.org/

And that's why I called this blog, "Flooding the Rut"; sometimes you just gotta get out on the water. I feel very very fortunate to have had the opportunity twice near the end of this Rut. I found it very helpful to put myself in elements that while they are out of my control, it's still okay.

Sometimes Fear is just a stupid waste of Time.

Namaste, Denise