Betwixt and Between

I've always had a love/hate relationship with this particular part of the Holidays; the days between Christmas and New Year's are uniquely too long and too short. You think you have all the time in the world and then you realize the bills are already late... (didn't I just finish decorating?)

This season has had it share of personal oddities; I missed the memo telling me that this was the Year of Reconciliations. I'm hanging in there, though and trying to keep the flow... I hope for Peace but I'm still feeling very protective of what I perceive as my "personal peace". (BTW, there really isn't such a thing if you can't be in the same room with someone i.e. in my professional life there is a person who so enrages me anyway and then I made, in his opinion not mine, a Big Mistake at work and then he says we have to meet and .... argh! I can feel myself gearing up every time I think about it. So very very NOT peaceful!) But for the most part, I think things are going well. At least, I hope. (And as my sister said, "Remember, Hope floats!" to which I said, "Yeah, and then it goes around and around a few times and finally flushes." We're a slightly cynical pair.)

In my favor, I can't think of anyone I have true malice toward; there's no one I hate. It's more an issue of "emotional kryptonite". I'm afraid of becoming undone in some way as if my progress can be unraveled like knitting. I know better, but at the same time, I don't. Sometimes I just resent the work. I'll admit it: I can be a real brat when I don't want to do something. 'Think I'm fun at 42? Wait 'til I hit 80... I ought to be a real laugh-riot by then.

To be honest, I truly cherish the opportunities (yes, there are multiple ones) for new beginnings. I want to share my happiness. I want my relationships to be positive and nourishing. And I'm all about Fresh Starts, Epiphanies, the Phoenix... but I am also keenly aware that those don't happen without some Failures, Blindness, and Loss. Such is Life.

'Guess I'd better eat a good breakfast.

Namaste