Shrinkage, Family Night, Meds, and Dragons

Nothing feels sillier to me than blog procrastination; I've been sitting and thinking about my blog for a couple of weeks now but haven't made the time to actually write. So... I think I have re-written it in my head about a million times and now I HAVE to write or risk creative implosion.

Shrinkage
I did visit my Shrink a couple of weeks ago. I was late. (A very very rare thing for me.) Since she only books me for 30 minutes, we only had 20 or so to work with. 'Just enough time though for me to get frustrated and cop an attitude. It just seemed like she was too busy writing my 'scripts to listen to me. I was telling her Big News! Happy News! 'Guess I caught her off guard... whatever! It was still my dime and my time. If the roles were reversed and I had an odd session with an otherwise a-ok client, I would have addressed the issue right then and there. In fact, I already do that. I'll even risk losing a client if necessary. (Such was the case with an otherwise loyal client who wouldn't get written permission from her physician following heart surgery. I wasn't about to do ANY bodywork until I knew it was safe. She still hints about her aches and pains when she sees me but until I see a note...)

Professionally, I do my heartfelt best to run an ethical practise. I manage my massage relationships with an eye on duality, scope of practise, causing no harm... 'can't always say the same thing about my personal life. Hmmm.

In my favor, I have declared Tuesday nights, Family Night. We've had 2 so far in the Clark household. Attendance last night was 4 out of 5. I'm waiting for our Odd Man Out to wake up (hence the opportunity to write this!) and I'm not sure what to say. So I will say nothing. He moved back in almost a month ago so it wasn't an issue of transportation. He was off from work so it wasn't an issue of opportunity. His father reminded him so it wasn't for lack of information. WE all know he was busy partying but does he know that we know? Living with an alcoholic is a lot more predictable than one would expect... that's what's so sad. And that's also why it is important for us to keep Family Night; we need to become predictable to him.

Meds
Most of my recent weaning process has been about serendipity; late meds from Canada, leaving for the Shore without a written 'script... One consequence of my bizarre appointment with the Shrink is that I allowed her to write me a 'script for half the dosage of my primary anti-depressant. When she asked me what I take, I honestly didn't know and I didn't have the bottle. Luckily, I have 3 months worth of the higher one so I have decided to alternate dosages until the higher one is gone. By the time I need to see her again, it will be a non-issue. If you are wondering why I stick with this lady it is because she really has done me a lot of good... in the past. Without her interventions, who knows where I would be today or even IF I would be! Meds did save my life. But I found myself wishing for a medication that I could adjust each day so I wouldn't always have to be "held down". I've put on at least 5 lbs. a year since I started Wellbutrin and now that's it out of my system, I do feel much better. Life changes. You can always count on that. (duh)

Dragons
I had the opportunity to volunteer my massage services to a Dragon Boat team called Hope Afloat for the International Dragon Boat Races held in Philly last weekend. Wow. What a day.

The team consists of breast cancer survivors, one of whom is an old friend of mine. Median age had to be 55+ and they could paddle so f*ing fast! I was slack-jawed.

The weather was by far the biggest professional challenge to date. I arrived at the team tent at 6am in a solid drizzle with mud sticking to everything. The tent was only big enough for a food table and race gear so I did my best to stow the massage chair and just wait for the sun to rise. After more than an hour shivering under my umbrella I decided that I had to keep moving or I wouldn't be able to work. (The clouds did eventually clear... at about 4pm!) It never really got warm or dry but after watching these ladies race, I didn't care about the mess or the cold. Mud washes off and making friends over a barbeque pit can be a lot of fun. Thank you, Hope Afloat. You are Golden!

So there. I said it.
Namaste

PS The image was created while I was pissed at the Shrink. The "smiling me" is from a shot taken almost 10 years ago when I was at my worst. 'Just wanted to point out the irony: I looked my happiest when I was my most miserable. Ain't Life fun.