Betwixt and Between

I've always had a love/hate relationship with this particular part of the Holidays; the days between Christmas and New Year's are uniquely too long and too short. You think you have all the time in the world and then you realize the bills are already late... (didn't I just finish decorating?)

This season has had it share of personal oddities; I missed the memo telling me that this was the Year of Reconciliations. I'm hanging in there, though and trying to keep the flow... I hope for Peace but I'm still feeling very protective of what I perceive as my "personal peace". (BTW, there really isn't such a thing if you can't be in the same room with someone i.e. in my professional life there is a person who so enrages me anyway and then I made, in his opinion not mine, a Big Mistake at work and then he says we have to meet and .... argh! I can feel myself gearing up every time I think about it. So very very NOT peaceful!) But for the most part, I think things are going well. At least, I hope. (And as my sister said, "Remember, Hope floats!" to which I said, "Yeah, and then it goes around and around a few times and finally flushes." We're a slightly cynical pair.)

In my favor, I can't think of anyone I have true malice toward; there's no one I hate. It's more an issue of "emotional kryptonite". I'm afraid of becoming undone in some way as if my progress can be unraveled like knitting. I know better, but at the same time, I don't. Sometimes I just resent the work. I'll admit it: I can be a real brat when I don't want to do something. 'Think I'm fun at 42? Wait 'til I hit 80... I ought to be a real laugh-riot by then.

To be honest, I truly cherish the opportunities (yes, there are multiple ones) for new beginnings. I want to share my happiness. I want my relationships to be positive and nourishing. And I'm all about Fresh Starts, Epiphanies, the Phoenix... but I am also keenly aware that those don't happen without some Failures, Blindness, and Loss. Such is Life.

'Guess I'd better eat a good breakfast.

Namaste

The Holiday Gallery

I, Onion (extended play)

If I had been feeling clever when I wrote my previous post, I would have included my loss of "a-peel." Instead I was feeling reactive and PMS-y. Writing "Ex-Steps and TCM" had consequences beyond my intention and it's hard not to be reactive. I've had one person who seems to have disappeared and another who decides that this is about them... Do I need to defend my blog? Puleeze, Good People! Breathe! This is about Good News, not anything else.

So there. I said it. Namaste.

I did give myself the opportunity to organically experience an onion. The pantry where we keep them is covered in bits of brown skins; gotta clean that sometime. Of course, I never mastered the whole cutting-the-onion-under-cold-water trick, so cutting it was a stinging, snotty, teary mess. Therapeutic? I guess... once it's over! Did I learn anything? No. And that's my point: onions are messy and they can make you cry. What to do? Clean up the mess and blow your nose because dinner's gonna be good because of that onion.

So there. I said it... again! :-) Namaste

Speaking of organic...
My Aunt Lil sent me a package that arrived the day before my birthday. It was 2 CD's; one of her son, Glenn Moreland, and the other her grandson, Doug. Doug Moreland has enjoyed some success as a recorded musician but I believe this is Glenn's first release. Both albums have the song "End of the Trail" which was played at the graveside of my Uncle Odell, Lil's husband. I had asked her for the song in an email a few weeks after my uncle's funeral last spring. Because of an email fluke, she didn't see my message until recently. The fact that it came so late but in time for my birthday just made the gift all the more magical.

The music is very special, too. Glenn's voice softens my heart and makes me want to go home to Texas. There's a quality that I can't describe because the memory precedes my ability to speak... a warm, quiet, loving comfort. It reminds me to focus on what is good and simple; to evoke memories of knee-high grass and blue skies rather than dwell on swirling emotional chaos. Acceptance and balance instead of distrust and friction. Yum. (I told my Aunt Lil that my husband will either come to love the album or hide it from me!)

To Doug's credit, he has matured quite nicely. I can see myself dancin' it up to a few of his tunes. And "End of the Trail" is a collaboration with his father and that's what makes it so special. Somewhere in the science of genetics, there's just this wonderful, natural "something" that radiates from this bloodline. I feel blessed to be a cousin.

Thank you, Aunt Lil, for loving and accepting all of us, Onions... no matter what.