Cheers to the the Great Cyber-Whatever

Here's to you, Cyber-Self! And here's to you, Cyber-Universe!

Today is the day before my Birthday; I will be 43. Life in general is good and in particular, challenging but very interesting. I haven't written for 2 reasons: 1) fear of invading the privacy of the most challenging souls and 2) I haven't been able to decide just how I feel about some of these challenges... they are not my own. What business do I have over-considering someone else's personal issues? My rationale is that they have made it my business and this is my blog.

So there, I said it.

The Fall of the Giant Blue Elephant in the Room

My husband threw away his recliner. 'Put it right out on the sidewalk for pick-up and it was. Gone. Finis. All that remains are these amazing ruts in the carpet. The legs had worn clear through to the old flooring!

The Hubby bought his chair about 18 years ago. In the last 5 or 6 years, he was putting in a good 12+ hours a day in it. He has no intention of buying another. This represents his latest effort towards self-improvement; he's been doing all kinds of new things in the last few months. I have to admit that some of it has been terribly annoying but worth praising... I impatiently wonder how long this Process will take and if he really really wants things to change, especially with us. But we've been talking a lot. We both agree that there will be Good Days and Bad Days and that whatever we decide the Future should hold for us, we will have reached those decisions together. We agree that we want the best for everyone.


Life is decidely different without the Giant Blue Elephant sucking the Life out of the Hubby. But now that he's "awake", what will we do with him?

And Then There were Two...

Recently a friend of mine was admitted to the Psychiatric Ward at one of the hospitals downtown. I visited twice and they were released soon after... we are still navigating how to deal with each other. I even refuse to give "them" a gender. I'm not used to censoring myself and I'm sure my agitation has been transparent to them. BUT I am hanging in there and I'm still willing to give it my best try. The current issue is that they have made it clear that they don't want to be treated as "other" yet there seems to be an awful lot of rules of conduct... most of which I only learn of after I have broken them... challenging waters to navigate, indeed.

And then another friend was admitted to the same ward this week. Unfortunately his stay won't be as short. I need to decide whether I should call him (I still have all of the phone numbers) and visit. Will he feel happy to hear from me or will I make it worse? I honestly don't know what to do... because I have seen where he is and to be blunt, the place is Goddamn Creepy. And because there are now 2 who have been there, I feel that it's okay to say what I think about the place:

There is no security. A person can walk off the street and get on the lone elevator to the floor without seeing a soul. The elevator goes to a small vestibule and the staff buzzes you in. Give a name and they find the patient. That's it. No check of my person, no ID, no nothing. The receiving area is filled with patients, some are watching TV and the others are just kind of hanging around. I can't help but wonder what their visitors might have brought in for them! It was in many ways my worst idea of what it would be like and less. I don't think my first friend really appreciates what the visits did to me. And that's okay... I understand that it is nothing compared to being there. But a little bit of gratitude would go a long way. I also understand that I might not get that either. I at least got a chance to SAY SOMETHING. (I feel much better, thank you, Great Cyber-Whatever.)

Today's 411

Today, I am pretty darned content. It's still a holiday weekend so we can't tackle any family business ($) today or tomorrow. The Hubby is away for the day and I am home alone with my daughter. We received a letter yesterday, congratulating us on her school performance. She made Honor Roll her first semester of High School (all parents at her school are warned in the beginning that their children might not do so well since it's a college preparatory... can you feel the pride!!!! She's so awesome!) It's freezing outside so we're still in jammies and taking turns cuddling with the dog. The massage therapy business has been good; not a strong as previous months but okay. 'Still way ahead of where I was last year at this point...

So turning 43 feels good. At least for today. Which is why I salute the Great Cyber-Whatever: without a Larger Something to talk to once in awhile, I just get lost. Lost in other people's stuff, lost in my own inner BS, lost in trivia. I am grateful for the bits and pieces of Clarity that writing to You has given me... today.

Namaste, Good Folks! Here's to all that is Great and Absurd! XO-D